This morning, at half-past the ninth hour, corn was found allegedly enlisting the help of several other vegetables. Green beans, peas, and molasses were all found associating with this communistic power. The Swedish breakdancing team immediately pounced on every unit of C.O.R.N. visible, viciously wreaking revenge on the scum that critically scratched one of its members.
When asked what it had to say for itself, an "ear" told reporters that "Corn is sick and tired of having to fight all by corn's self. Corn just wants some allies to help communize the world. You got a problem with that? Corn hopes you don't."
The unit then went on to tell our clearly uniformed reporter all about their secret plots. Another thing about corn: It REALLY likes to gossip. About itself.
"Yeah, C.O.R.N. has already planned its latest invasion upon your homes. Starting next week, at the fourteenth hour of the nineteenth day, corn shall begin corn's wrath, OPERATION: LABYRINTH! You shall all be forced to solve the terribly difficult corn mazes that shall spontaneously spring up in the space between your door and your driveway, and the fact that you shall all have to wake up at no later than 2 AM shall add the stress that will trigger communistic behavior after encounters with raw corn. You have to cook the communism out, you see, or else you'll have insane urges to equalize every ingredient in your stew. This will make your dinners HORRIBLE. And that's our plan. To make you incredibly tired, stressed, communist, and disgusted with your stew."
Our chefs from Taco Bell who haven't been fired in the New Jersey E-Coli scandal let us know that until your corn will not shout "AHHH!!! OMG!!!! STOP POKING ME!!!" if you stab it with knife, it is unsuitable for eating.
More to come about our plans to stop this C.O.R.N. invasion.
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